I always felt like I was gay and came out when I was 16. I graduated high school and went into the military. My tenure in the military was during the “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” phase. I was never ashamed of being a lesbian or felt the need to hide it – but simply followed that rule. After leaving the military, I married my lesbian partner. The marriage began to break up and we separated. I remember telling God that if he allowed me to leave this relationship – I would leave the lifestyle. I moved to Atlanta and began to search for a church home. I was still dressing masculine and came into the church in a tie. I wanted them to accept me as I am, but was skeptical if they were. I was surprised to find out that they did and I continued to attend the church and join. I was not completely out of homosexuality and had a girlfriend when I joined the church, but continued to attend anyway. One Sunday during praise and worship, our Pastor began exhorting us to go deeper into worship. I went deeper and I could clearly hear the voice of God say to me, “Octavia, this is not the life I have for you”. It was at that moment that I made the decision to totally surrender my life to God. I knew I had to end the relationship with my girlfriend. I was driving home from church and was nervous, but once again I could hear God say “I’m with you”. I ended the relationship, but we were still living together. I found a video of Kiana “Kiwi” Dennis talking about a retreat for women dealing with same sex attraction and I decided to attend the retreat. It seemed like everything was fighting to make sure that I did not make it to the event – but thank God he made a way for me to get there. The experience of sisterhood and worship was so real, I knew that God had met me there. After the retreat, I had on all of my armor of God - ready for what ever it was I was coming home to. My ex was sitting on the couch upset about some personal things she was going through. She said, “When ever you are ready for me to go I will go”. My response was yes I am ready for you to leave. Usually when she says that I say yes I am ready for you to go, BUT I know you don't have anywhere to go . That was the first time I said I am ready for her to go with no if or buts. I took a shower, laid in the bed, responding to text messages from my sisters I met at the retreat. I heard crying over the sound of the TV. I started to get up, but God said lay down. I remembered the words of Bishop warning us to remember its a spirit that you are dealing with and Sis Nakisha saying do not entertain demons. So I prayed and went to sleep. I know a shift took place in the atmosphere on Saturday and whatever it was my ex felt it. She and I both knew, I came back a Transformed Woman! I was able to make a break from that relationship and am now completely surrendered to God’s will for my life.
